What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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