I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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