soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
this hospital has no fireball
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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