he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
