On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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