The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
