HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
