3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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