Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
