I just made out with a guy for $7.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
