Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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