is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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