CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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