i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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