I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
