So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
