Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I stole a fireplace last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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