You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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