you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
