i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
