Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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