Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
