We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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