we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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