There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
