I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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