he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
