Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
