he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
