i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
