Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
