can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
