I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This girl is more easily done than said...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Pooping to opera.
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