Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
