I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
