Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
