Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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