im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
