if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
