I faked an abortion last night.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
