i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
