Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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