am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
