I just saw a hot homeless man
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
