I'm going to jail i love you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
well you can't waste a boner
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
