Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
