So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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