fuck your aforementioned shoe
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
