I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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