From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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