Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
only if we run a train.
done.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
