I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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