Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
