Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
