i think i have two assholes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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