what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
