I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize