Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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