How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
