the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
