So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
