So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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