one two three fourrrrnication!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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