that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
