I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
