whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
